Be Informed Survivor Creations Poetry by Andreena Leeanne "On International Women’s Day 2019, I read a poem I wrote at a Labour Party IWD event in Leytonstone for the first time in front of many people and I tell you although I cried throughout the poem, I did it. The most empowering thing of all was that so many women came up to me at the end to give me a hug and some told me they were also victims of childhood sexual abuse." This is my poem... - Andreena Leeanne No longer keeping secrets I was sexually abused from the age of five Yes, the innocent and tender age of five Not long was I alive on this Earth When my mum met that six-foot sex offender in Jamaica That’s when I learned to keep secrets I was his little secret At 7 I begged her not to marry him, but she did and years later Had the cheek to blame me for ruining her marriage When we returned to England, she sent for him soon after She said I should have told her I said, How could I? I was just a child Leroy Channer is his name and today at 38 I am no longer ashamed To this day that woman still carries his last name Knowing what that man did to me for 5 years At 9 he tried to pass me to his friend whose name I think begins with M Looking back, it makes me cringe to think I was almost part of a paedophile ring She could never say she didn’t know because it was her who caught him in the act She could not lie or deny because she saw me on top of him with her very own eyes It was her who called the police He was arrested, convicted and spent a short time inside She accepted a wooden prison gift handcrafted by him She saw him when he was released She had him in her car within 3 miles of our street The betrayal The deceit His punishment far from fit the crime as it’s me who is doing the time Throughout the years I have tried to forgive and forget This I will never forget Live and let live yes and maybe with time forgive Years ago, Mum told me to forgive him and move on and That’s when I decided to keep quiet I decided not to speak even when others confided in me what had happened to them How can I ever forgive a man who almost ruined my life several times? I’m not just talking about the times I tried to end my life I’m talking about the times I could not be touched by the people I claimed to love I’m talking about the times I slept around so much I was labelled a slut I’m talking about the times I drank so much I got ridiculously drunk I’m talking about never fully knowing who to trust The antidepressants the time I’ve lost thinking about this I will never get back I’m talking about watching my own daughter like a hawk and teaching her from birth to tell me if someone ever touched her here, here or here (pointing to private Parts) At times I relive the physical, psychological and emotional Pain and I’m aware it will never fully go away Some of my relationships have really suffered over the years I will always be scarred, Charred It has been traumatic to say the least To say I’ve been through a lot in my life is an understatement I have been through heaps The PTSD Hours of lost sleep Wide awake night after night counting sheep Over time I have been able to see the wood for the trees Statistics show that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men are affected by this I am a woman I am resilient I am courageous I have achieved amazing things Despite my circumstances I remain strong I now know full well what he did was wrong I am not to blame After telling Mum I’m now speaking out Her response is still to keep quiet and move on He has 5 children she said What are you after, revenge? I know she’s only trying to safeguard herself Don’t silence me – I will no longer be silent The silence is broken, The worms have been released from the can You failed to protect me, Mum and now you’ve washed your hands I am nobody’s little secret; I no longer keep these kinds of secrets I will speak my truth It’s my truth to speak no matter how much havoc it wreaks I’m done protecting you, I need to look out for me I can’t turn back time, but I can spend my time fighting for what’s right To ensure others can speak of their plight as I continue to write. - Andreena Leeanne