When a Fire Bird Freezes

Survivor, such a strange label

Does it really apply to me?

I'd suppose everyone is really

From a cripple pulling on his favourite 

Socks, to a working class family

-

Having run bare foot from Grenfell Tower

Smudged faces, bruises and cuts

The bittersweet pain of having escaped

The Survivor's Trust web page glaring 

From my phone at 4.35AM...again

-

There is no sweetness to my tears

I only taste a bitterness and then

The 'Myth busting' section draws me in

A bodiless voice with no name, speaks 

Softly in my ear -

-

'If you reacted this way during an assault

Know that it was not your fault'..it goes on

-

I have heard these words before from 

Familiar faces, they have rushed off 

The tongue like a swarm of fairies 

Desperate to flick their wands and 

Disappear us all from this present 

-

It is a gift for which I am not entirely

Ungrateful, on seeing this Internet text

My tears burst forth like a geyser, inside

Something has sunk a little deeper,

The faintest honey smell begins to linger 

-

And with that man's intrusion

A party for all past demons to rock n roll

They travel far, pay no toll, in the early 

Hours but mine is a chance to make 

Accommodation with them all!

-

No more will I be disappointed 

At my brain's freezing on the spot 

Or punish my body over and over with too

Much alcoholic stupor, I will not live 

In a paralysis that has no purpose

-

I look back on my calendar to that day

And realise with great surprise - I was busy!

It was more than attack, I was at a fayre 

My boy's school, then dancing with my 

Friends.. A slight beer fear after that's all

-

Flood my mind with good memories

Fractured though they are, give me a

Shield, some armour for the court 

Help me, steal back as he stole so easily

What is mine, I ask the ether 

As I drift off back to sleep